i feel inspired.
i haven't felt like that in a long long time
i mean
pulling rickshaws isn't exactly very inspiring
not when u can't pick up ang mo chio bus-because of your paperbag
not when u get snubbed by all the other ah peks
not when all u do in the day is to smack flies and stare into space

but i am feeling inspired.

i picked up some girls today
they were frantically searching for a rickshaw
to do some stupid things like buying carrots

in any case
one of them was waxing lyrical about this certain person
and i call him this Certain Person
because she seemed to worship him
alright
his name is

Jay Chou

who the heck is he?
-i thought to myself, at the same time trying to wipe off the sweat behind my paperbag

singer:

there's a whole bunch of them, who claim to be singers but who utterly CANT sing;like this trio of girls, group of 4 pretty boys, 5 ordinary-looking guys

song-writer:

industry people who churn out trashy pop tunes..one "good" example is that mice liking rice song...as long as a song contains two or three lines of catchy tunes...

but jay chou is both a singer and a song-writer....

HMMMMM

decided to check up on him after the afternoon rickshaw sessions

To all my fans out there,

sorry for this really really delayed post...
i know u all are desperately waiting for me to post.
alright
i shall do just that
if that satisfies u all..

i have been busy these days...as u know...times are bad...business is so hard to come by...i have to pull my rickshaw all the way to some uluated resorts just to get customers...u all may think i m stupid...why go all the way there...but that's because...erm...let's just say that competition is stiff...i m severely stigmatised as a result of my paperbagicitis...not a single person wanted to ride my rickshaw...just because they can't see my face? i mean...how unfair can this world be to unfortunate people like me...alright...that done...back to the part where i pulled my rickshaw all the way to fetch customers from uluated resorts...well...u may think that i am trying to hao4 lian4...but it was honestly a most intelligent decision...i realised that some uni students were having their camps there...and their organisers...shall i call them smart of stupid? alright...stupid(for it benefits me yar...thanks to whoever those peeps were) well...in any case...they didn(or they forgot to) hire any bus to bring the students out from those uluated resorts to the nearest place that at least looks a bit like civilisation...in any case...i was absolutely exhilirated to see groups of students swarming to my rickshaw(never mind that paperbag) i was to have company...at last!!!! just talk about the attention i got...it was amazing!!! never in my life have i been so...haha...targetted!!! like everyone was trying their best to earn a place in my rickshaw...awwww...haha......it was as if they have never seen a rickshaw!!! goodness...those poor kids...trudging with those bulky bags in that scorching hot sun...and relieved they were! they rewarded me handsomely...for my handsome paperbag and my handsome rickshaw...haha...i like them...better than those any mo chio bus...so well...now that the money is starting to pour in...i can better go pay for my dance lessons...and hopefully...arrange for a change of dance partners yar...

i am not getting paid enough!
there jus aren't enough dumb tourists willing to part with their money........the only ones who really get a kick out of getting a skinny-guy-with-paper-bag-over-head to pull them around are the really fat and heavy couples. I call them MAC-couples, because obviously they have been upsized by one too many macdonald meals.....
they're heavy! i don't wanna break my back but they're the only business i have now.....
ang mo chio bus are few and far between these days.

i was looking at the stars up in the sky last night..
every one was so beautiful. twinkling and bright. everyone with a history literally light years away. everyone a magnificient big ball of flame somewhere in outer space.

yet none worth anything. the stars in the sky, just like the dust on the earth. too many of them. they're cheapened.....because they are plenty. perhaps all are unique, but not unique enough, because none are special.

Why does my lotus root turn purple after I put them in the soup to boil???

I thought my soup smelled funny.
Does lotus root have some detoxifying effects? like... turning blue after absorbing toxics? 'cause if it does, I think my soup is poisoned.
Preparing dinner for myself is a headache.
I think I'll die of food poisoning one day, from the food I cook for myself.

But no.

That doesn't mean I'm desperate to get an ah mah from my Indian dance class for a wife to cook for me. And although my looks bear some resemblance to a certain KR, I do not go after 59 year old women. I'm still traumatised by that experience. Why must it always be some qi ko ah mah that's interested in pinching my ass? The ang moh chio bus I chauffeured around never express such interest.

I miss miss loo so so dearly. First, I lost her. Then, I lost even meatball! Wasn't really a great loss, except that... well Meatball woman might have some secret recipes and mysterious ability to cook... there has to be a reason behind her size afterall. Now, she's off to turn beefcake Bollo into a beefball.

While I have to starve or eat my own poisoned food. Why is life so hard on me?

And I have no mother to cook for me too. Guess it's about time I reveal my tragic past to all you loyal fans. I'm disowned by my parents who can't accept a freak son who wears a paperbag over his head. Ok... so maybe it's my fault afterall.

I guess I'll have to bear with purple lotus root until I take on some interest in one of those ah mah classmates I have.

I had a traumatic day today.

I had indian dance classes again.. I've been going to the classes 3 times a week.. I just love the artificial trees that our instructors made for us to use.. i'm missing ms loo more and more, especially after what happened today. most of my classmates have partners, they go with their boyfriends or girlfriends or spouses. *so jealous* i don't have a partner though.. and it just so happened that today we had to do some partner stuff for the dance.. so i had to pair up with this elderly chinese lady.. i thought she looked quite nice.. as in pleasant.. although when she smiles, u can see that a lot of her teeth have dropped out.. but what she did to me.. argghhhghhgh.. the more i think about it, the more disgusted i feel..

i was trying not to touch her.. while doing the guy role.. but somehow we switched positions and i ended up in front of her.. and then.... haiz... *sobs* she grabbed my sleek waist with her fat hands!! arghghgh... i felt so violated. it was supposed to be like the guy holds the girl's waist and they both shake shake shake.. and ok..not only did she grab my waist, she forced me to swing my hips..there i was, swinging my hips like crazy.. and the worst part, she pinched my butt after that portion of the dance was done!!!!!!!!!! i need to go lie down and cry for a while...

(15 mins later)

sigh. if only ms loo were alive, we could go for indian dance lessons together. i thought these classes would be my refuge from the sweltering heat that i work under every day, and a time where i can simply lose myself in the music, with sweet thoughts of ms loo.. and now.. i have to keep on the lookout for the ji ko ah mah.. and avoid her.. what is this man. i can't even have some personal time for myself and ms loo.

so many bad things have been happening to me these days.. first meatball woman finds her stupid bollo.. and completely reveals her true colours to me. she never loved me, unlike what she said. she kept bothering me with her incessant phone calls, her pleading, and now there's none of that in my life anymore. perhaps this is all just my fault. i had the opportunity, but i didn't grab hold of it. what??!! what am i saying. i wouldn't want meatball woman anyway. i'm so hurt. no one cares about me. no one cares that i'm lying on my floor, crying my eyes out, leaving all my internal organs to writhe with grief and depression. everything's just gone downhill ever since i left hc, and ever since ms loo died, of course. dear readers, please hope that my next entry will see me in a much better state of mind.

Meatball woman reeks of superficiality. She was overly eager to get attached to me when really what does she know about me? nothing. absolutely nothing other than what can be taken at face value. Meatball woman was single and lonely. Meatball woman decided to get attached to someone. Anyone. And then meatball woman found me. but i am not anyone, and i don't believe that i have to be anybody's "anyone". Her affections insult my eligibility. Egoistic as it is, I am not as desperate as to go for jus "anyone" who seems quite "nice". because truthfully, isn't everyone(save a few pple who are in a class of their own) quite nice? i do not need to settle for such a superficial relationship, especially since meatball woman herself is no miss world.

So anyhow, i hear that meatball woman has found a certain Bollo the beefcake man. i hear it was love at first sight and both of them have decided to get things rolling. i hear this and i hear that, none of them from meatball woman. Yes i was never there for her and okay she probably does not owe me an explanation. but i still feel a little...sore, hurt, played with, cheated, dumped. but for the most part i feel insulted.

Because i was trying to get to know meatball woman. I know i was pushing her away but i did not throw her out either. I needed time and i was starting to see her in a more affectionate way. with her persistance and apparent devotion, i was giving her a little of my heart and love. then off goes meatball woman, with nary a word of goodbye, leaving me to pick up the pieces. truthfully, there aren't that many pieces to pick up anyway, and none of this should really matter to me. Yet it does and i am hurt because she made me feel things that i would not have felt, things that i began to feel as a sole result of my relenting to her persistance, and then she goes off with someone else quite suddenly. and i have to contend with these feelings of hurt which i would not have felt in the first place! so i feel cheated. and i feel insulted, because now i see more clearly than ever that she must not have liked me as much she claimed to have initially. otherwise she would not have left in such a hurry. So what she did was she deceived me and took me for a fool. and i am insulted indeed....

but i don't care!

i love only miss loo!
yes meatball woman left me disillusioned, deceived, dejected. but she hurt me in a way a good friend might've hurt me. it is not the kind of pain that is powerful enough to force me to bear a grudge or forever hold feelings of sourness. so don't worry meatball woman! we will jus bankrupt whatever lousy relationship we had prior to this and then embark on a more successful friendship...or, if not possible, then amiable acquaintanceship.

i love miss loo alot.
miss loo occupies my mind. she is the one i see in my dreams. and no our relationship is not superficial! i know everything i need to know about her... its in her eyes. and her manner. and oooh the way she washes the toilet! i just know...all there is to know, without having to say anything.
its not like my erm...relationship with meatball woman you know. for meatball woman, i had to slowly try to give my affections. meatball woman - i had to learn to love her, which i learnt a little before she dumped me.

but miss loo....the moment i saw her, my heart in its entirety was hers.

damn i'm miserable.

hark, what see i?
why indeed it is!
a beautiful butterfly
but wait,
the butterfly is dead
upon the ground its wings lie torn and tattered
my heart, it too lies within me, shattered
and as i mourn the loss...and all the things that could have been
out of nowhere,
a meatball hits me hard on the head. for no apparent reason.
leaving me reeling from a transient pain...
on top of the eternal pain within my heart. and now i feel numbed beond belief.

i did nothing to deserve all this yet i've been delt a double blow.

Heya dear fans,
Sorry I've not blogged for so long.
You see, I just took up a new hobby!
Dancing... Indian dance to be exact.

I saw the sign for Indian dance classes on one of those evenings,
when the sun sets and the streets are suddenly silent,
and I'm thinking of Miss Loo.

Indian dance is great!
I discovered my hidden talent to move my head apart from the rest of my body.
The exercise actually improve my arthritis condition,
now my little finger and big toe doesn't hurt so much anymore.
Or maybe it's because it hasn't been raining.
Or maybe...
the pain in the heart makes everything else insignificant.

Sigh~~
How wonderful it would be if Miss Loo is still around.
We could learn Indian dance together,
those hugging the coconut tree sessions would be so much more meaningful.
But right now,
I have to practise it with aunties three times my age.

To make things worse,
Meatball Woman wails at me through the phone 5 times a day.
It's like...
Breakfast, Lunch, Tea, Dinner, Supper.
Except that it works the other way - it takes away my appetite.
I think I lost 10 kilos from this 10 days of sheer brain torment.

And one thing leads to another,
the loss of 10 kilos didn't seem to be from fats.
I think my body is miswired to burn proteins before fats.
I lost 10 kgs of pure muscle,
even the chauffeuring of slim ang moh chio bus is becoming a taxing job.
At this rate,
when am I going to save up enough money for Meatball Woman's makeover?!
Considering she needs more than 10 times of liposuction and maybe plastic surgery in 200 areas.
And she's still the primary cause of my lost of weight!
This is plain irony.

Here I am,
trapped between 2 women.
One dead, one alive.
One past, one present.
One unforgettable, one hopefully-forgotten.
One pretty little butterfly, one meatball.
One chio as the goddesses in the heavens, the other well... nevermind.

My life.
The life of desirable paperbag nick - a joke.