happy birthday to me-ee, happy birthday to me! yeah~~~

birthdays are so wonderful. Its when u realise pple are actually thankful for ur existance. The world doesn't sux. The world rox. and that's cos i'm on it. Haha....wat a pile of crap. But nvm that. today is supposed to be a happy day, so i've decided to banish the depresso thoughts.

Got up on the right side of the bed this morning. Must've been drowsy with sleep. But it wasn't long before i remembered my little problem again and damn...headache! V-day, i had 2 dates, no presents for either...jus the recipe for disaster.

My grandma came over and gave me this....fa1 cai2 mao1. Was so disappointed when i got it at first...cos its not something i wud've gotten for myself actually.....a fa1 cai2 mao1. But its realli the thought that counts....so i'm gonna put the fa1 cai2 mao1 in a prominant spot in my room. With my grandma's blessings the fortune should be flowing in reeealli soon.

so neweay, back to my prob. I was a little worried for awhile. Had kind of banked on receiving some wonderful birthday present which i could jus re-label and give to either of the girls. But of course i can't give them a fa1 cai2 mao1.

Then a girl from my class called me. She said she was feeling a little down, especially after her crush(some henry dude) left the country. Wow... she was one of those who counselled me when i was down, so of course i owed her. Had to zhong4 you2 qing1 she4(translation:putting friends above lust) and promised her i'd go help her out with some dramafest stuff. Haha...that's when i began to see everything so clearly. Why do i bother with all these gals whom i don't really like anymore? its such a waste of my time. So i fixed them up on blind dates with some of my more despera...erm.... dateless friends. i probably just put myself on their condemned lists but i think its time i ended these two relationships neway. Besides...i've been used and abused for so long...time to exercise my right to be a bastard right?

ok..not right...i'm scared of what they'll do to me when they see me again. but those two guys i set them up with are realli not *too* bad. Oh no....what have i done???? must ask the lord for forgiveness when i go to church tomorrow. Oh and protection too...

Yeah so i went to help a girl from my class with her dramafest things instead. Was quite fun actually. Took my mind off the dumb matters that plague me. Though at some point i was wondering whether i was painting the chair or painting my shirt... I take that back. I did not wonder....it was pretty obvious: i was painting my shirt. But i had a rather relaxing time doing it...yeah.....its more fun and less taxing then running around town and trying to be sneaky.

Oh and i did something really significant too. Since i was trying to cheer that girl up, i told her that if she wore a paperbag, she might see things from a different perspective. So i took off my paperbag and let her wear it...haha...hey she says i'm quite shuai....tho of course Tom Cruise is still the king...even with the extra pounds. But she threw away the bag shortly....was too hot. Tsk...no perserverence at all.

...

Yup. This is it. Gonna resume my life as a CIA agent now, can't be revelating everything to the world. yeah right. i'm jus going back to nerding around. since i don't need paperbags anymore, my onli hobby is "mugging". Oh and u noe wat i said in one of the entries about being mysterious after turning 17? screw that. i hate mysterious pple.

I'll leave u poor souls with a quote before going off:
"youth is not a stage in life,
it is an attitude; it is an expression of will
of imagination and emotional intensity
It means the victory of courage over disheartenment,
the victory of a spirit of adventure
over a tendency to idleness."
-Marcus Aurelius

Kinda meaningful. Though it must be taken in context of course. mugging is neither adventurous nor idle....so i'm not sure whether what i'm doing is really natural for young pple. I should go bungee jumping.

Meanwhile. Whoever's reading this.... this is pure voyeurism.
Get a life.
Don't read the blog of a loser.
Or you might become one urself.
And jus in case u do become one, i don't have any paperbags for u....

peace out

-nick. Jus nick.

Today is......not valentine's day....today is....friday the thirteenth.

OMG. And to think i had thought today was valentine's day all along. Found out that Valentine's day is really tomorrow, not today, during some lecture. I think i've had my head up in the clouds for too long.

I'm so screwed.

You see, after the confrontation with meatball woman(where she claimed i was avoiding her, which was so totally true, though i wouldn't have admitted it over my dead body...), i was feeling really really bad. I mean, i had hoped to avoid her *discreetly*. Like suddenly just disappear out of her life...But then she noticed it. And though i say i'm a bastard i do feel bad when i find myself blatantly in the wrong. Anyhow, meatball woman was kind of hinting that she wanted to watch this movie ...so to make up for my terrible behavior and to prove my *point*(more like my lie actually) about really enjoying her company, i asked her out on saturday. I mean, we can still be friends right.

But as things turn out, as things often do when i plan them...this ain't no ordinary saturday. Its valentine's day. No wonder she had that silly grin on her face. I asked her out on a valentine's day date! without knowing it...now she's gonna think that i'm in love with her. And i gotta buy a wonderful gift for her too....think my wallet's going on a diet.

And to make things even more excitng, my ex told me this morning(ie, before i found out that today's NOT valentine's day) that she still hasn't gotten over our relationship yet, in spite of the stuff she'd said. Since we both need closure, i asked her out on a valentine's day date....would have been a great opportunity to resolve issues only today is NOT valentine's day! Valentine's day is really meatball woman date day. What have i done??? I should reject one of them...but rejecting someone you've asked out on valentine's day....that's gonna have consequences.

I was so troubled i just abandoned all my friends and walked around the canteen. Then the wind blew, my paperbag shifted position, which made the eye holes move to the side of my face, totally obscuring my vision....and i walked into a pillar. Funny. I thought the whole path in front of me was clear. Yeah. So i knocked into a pillar. Felt good. Should've banged my head against it.

Now i'm in this terrible position. Two dates on valentine's day. And i'd expected to be all alone at first. I must be so hot... so hot that i end up boiling in my own juices. Funny....now i kinda think that it'd have been alot better if i were all alone....then if i were scooting around town trying to sneak to both dates without having the girls think anything's fishy...

i'm so screwed. Had an unfitful nap. Dreamt that i was in this classy restaurant with Britney spears in her "toxic" music video outfit(the glittery, skimpy one). Then out of nowhere came Christina Aguilera with the huge afro hairdo. And she started throttling me....even as some head lice jumped off her head onto mine. :(

tsk...maybe its jus cos its friday the thirteenth. yea...maybe i'll jus wake up tomorrow and all my troubles would've taken care of themselves.

"Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you."

"Wo2 shi4 shui3?(Who am i?)"-Jacky Chan

Stayed back to help out for dramafest today....my feet kinda stink

Meatball woman asked me whether i've been avoiding her. Of course i flatly denied it. Shouldn't have, but didn't have the heart to tell her she was irritating. Actually meatball woman is quite a nice person...She just gets on my nerves. I don't know...i'm an unfriendly bastard. Can't help it.

JC life is sapping. I wear a paperbag, but how many people wear a mask? Behind the facade of being nice, of being kind, of being bitchy, bastardly, unfriendly, overly-friendly, who are you really?
In my illusions i have lost myself. Caught between doing what i really want and doing something to please someone else, between acting civilised and acting like a dumbass because i am a dumbass, between being nice and spitting out my poison.

Caught between finding myself and losing who i used to be.

Oh yeah. Went down to the principal's office today. Had a hell of a time explaining why i refused to remove my paperbag. Went for counselling too. The teacher seemed so understanding. FAKERS! they jus want me to take off the paperbag....as if they really understand anything. I don't know why these "elderlies" are so preoccupied with trying to understand youth when what we really need is acceptance, not understanding. They'll never understand. Heck i don't even understand myself, as if some old foggy would. Anyway i finally told them i wear it as a sort of gimmick....and that all the sob stories i had told before...were all fake...jus stuff to drum up business for dramafest. Its funny how they'll ignore the truth but believe the lie.

i'm tired....its pretty short for a second last entry i know.....but ...i'm tired....whoever's reading this...sorry, can't entertain you. If you're that bored then maybe you could like....go eat a grape. Or better still, eat a burger. Then you can give me the paperbag when you're done.

Valentine's day is approaching.

Its also my birthday.
Perhaps the only noteworthy gift i'll get will be from this 70+ woman. Nope its not that i go for older woman. Its 'cause Valentine's day is also my birthday...and my grandmother will want to give something nice to her darling grandson.

During morning assembly today council was promoting their valentine's day serenating sessions(pay the guy to sing for someone special) as well as some of the stuff their gonna sell.
-sighs- Valentine's day: Time to celebrate ur romance, to start something new....love is in the air~

and hate is everywhere.

excuse me. I sound like this really grumpy old dude now. But its justifiable. I had a terrible terrible day.

As i said in the last post, i don't know what posessed me at the time, but i asked meatball woman out to lunch. So we had lunch today. Which was boring to the max. Whatever good feelings i had for her before, they all evaporated during the course of this meal. She vacillated between being super dao, to being super childish, making comments just to illicit a response from me, then started hitting me as if we had been friends for the last ten years. This would all have been tolerable actually. But then she started suaning me and getting really irritating with some of her whiny talk. I had had enough. No more meatball woman. I hate it when people i hardly know presume that its funny to joke about my many inadadequacies. I mean...if we're already friends its absolutely fine. But if we are just starting a friendship, and i have to decide what kind of person you are based on what little u reveal to me during our time together....then perhaps it might be best you leave a better impression, instead of forcing me to base my judgement on whatever strange facet of yourself you have to show. As usual my friends were right. I should've left her to cook herself or something.

I'm tired of being the nice guy. Tired of caring. Tired of keeping all my spite inside. If i were in primary school i would've spat at her - she got so irritating! But i'm above that now... So i just pretended that i had a great time - even prolonged my torture by accompanying her to macritchie, where we were gonna have our run. Met a couple of her friends and they looked at us as if we had been married for the past 10 years, had five kids, and done all this behind their backs. Yeah my friends saw us too and pretty much thought they had succeeded in marrying me off.

So here's my statement to clear all those circulating rumours: Naw.....i don't like meatball woman.
I may have. But i've lost it.

And on a final note, i'll only be blogging until my birthday. After that, its time to grow up. Can't be revealing everything about myself anymore. The more people know about you, the more capable they are of judging and abusing u.

Being too open takes too much out of me and i'm tired of this abuse. Shall be mysterious after i turn 17.

a million and one things must've happened today

For chem prac, was instructed to mix this FA4 powder with dilute acid, then measure up a certain volume of it using a volumetric flask. So i put the FA4 powder into the volumetric flask, then added some acid...noticed that there was some effervescence...but what the hell right. So i corked the flask and started shaking vigorously. Big mistake. FA4 was some metal carbonate

Metal carbonate + acid = carbon dioxide + hydrogen gas + metal salt. I think

yeah so neways, with my vigourous shaking the thing really got "mixed well", as intructed. Pressure started building up in the limted volume of the volumetric flask. Which brings us to another equation:

Chemistry + idiot = disaster

Yup. Due to build-up of pressure from the gas released during reaction, the cork flew right off, hit my lab partner on the head, and the liquid flew all over my paper bag. Thank goodness it was jus aqueous acid. Nonetheless, my paperbag was soaked, my lab partner shocked, my chem tutor sulky and all the other unsympathetic soals just kept on laughing. So anyway i didn't want anyone to follow me to the toilet as i had to wash my face(though maybe i didn't really need to hide my face since technically, i have already lost all "face") and change the paperbag.

Which may have been another mistake. 'Cause SHE(meatball woman) was just right there when i stepped out. I didn't know whether it was pure coincidence or whether she had devised to "accidentally" bump into me. Nonetheless i was desperate and she was all too willing to help. So i asked her to help me look for a paperbag. Which she did...That was a real lifesaver ...even though the paperbag was a little oily from its previous contents.

I know what i did next might have shocked my friends even more than my klutziness, but i asked her out for lunch to show my gratitude...i don't know! now i'm really weirded out...what have i done right...i dunno

But maybe she isn't as bad as she erm..looks...
And Valentine's day is coming up...

Am i desperate? Noo...
or am i? My classmate says that my quality control has gone down the drain
i'm confused
maybe we are all desperate at some level? or mebbe..or mebbe
AM i desperate? -confused-

Saw her flirting around with a million and one despos....
hmph.

Anyway, she's found out who i am. I knew she would....i mean, its quite hard to keep your own name under wraps. Yeah. She just pretended that we had no past and i guess i'll play along....
Remember what i said in the last entry about having something planned?
Well i had prepared this really sweet gift for her....but after seeing things the way they are, I just
changed my mind. it was just a flight of fantasy anyway.

Actually, i lied about her flirting around with despos.
Some of them were actually quite hunky.
Yeah.
i'm just jealous.
So kill me. No don't. I think i could do that myself. Sighs. Sad...
(people, i know suicide's terrible. yeah. don't worry. won't do it. too gory anyway)

Anyway, my Wu Shu mate has been consoling me. She told me that i should have forgotten my ex a long time ago. Afterall, ex implies...ex. I think she's right...

Then she started suaning me about... yeah...THAT perverted girl. The one and only. For the uninitiated(IF you still haven't heard)....she's this really despo girl from Art Club.
She's despo. Really despo. And she's scary.
She hits guys, swears, and here's the cheesy part. She tailed me home from school! she's a STALKER...
i mean. having a female stalker would actually be quite erm...flattering. but not this one. this one is jus scary. I mean, though i'm a self-professed beef cake.....she.....she's the beef cake to end all beef cakes. She's a meat ball.
Who's got her eyes set on me...
AND there are no laws protecting the modesty of men in singapore. Which means i gotta protect myself in case she tries something funny. Better put more effort into practising my Wu Shu. Or at least try to improve my timing for running. In case of emergencies.

Yeah...Well at least when i'm worrying about her i forget about all my troubles. Yet i still wear the paper bag. I don't know why i do it anymore... i know i'm forever out of that girl's heart. Should've known a long time ago. I don't know why i do what i do...

Woah got suaned in church...
said that i'm from the Highly Cheena school (HC - geddit? yeah i wasn't too amused either)
No worries. i reprimanded that perpetrator of that for talking rots about my brothers and sisters of the communist movement. Ok we're not really communist. I tend to forget that after i put on my brown shirt with matching brown pants and blend in with the rest of the erm...brownies?

Another churchmate brought this combat rations thing. Supposed to be what u eat during combat. Its this tomato paste with noodles and what not. Didn't taste too bad really. In fact, looking at the way some of my lifegroup members were gobbling it down, you wud've thought it was some imperial cuisine. haha... i can just see it at the bottom of the crystal jade menu: Lee Hsien Loong's recommendation - Infantry falls into tomato trench with noodles - $6.

Hmm..haha....I got something planned. ~.~
Don't wanna write about it now tho. Soon...