Meatball woman reeks of superficiality. She was overly eager to get attached to me when really what does she know about me? nothing. absolutely nothing other than what can be taken at face value. Meatball woman was single and lonely. Meatball woman decided to get attached to someone. Anyone. And then meatball woman found me. but i am not anyone, and i don't believe that i have to be anybody's "anyone". Her affections insult my eligibility. Egoistic as it is, I am not as desperate as to go for jus "anyone" who seems quite "nice". because truthfully, isn't everyone(save a few pple who are in a class of their own) quite nice? i do not need to settle for such a superficial relationship, especially since meatball woman herself is no miss world.

So anyhow, i hear that meatball woman has found a certain Bollo the beefcake man. i hear it was love at first sight and both of them have decided to get things rolling. i hear this and i hear that, none of them from meatball woman. Yes i was never there for her and okay she probably does not owe me an explanation. but i still feel a little...sore, hurt, played with, cheated, dumped. but for the most part i feel insulted.

Because i was trying to get to know meatball woman. I know i was pushing her away but i did not throw her out either. I needed time and i was starting to see her in a more affectionate way. with her persistance and apparent devotion, i was giving her a little of my heart and love. then off goes meatball woman, with nary a word of goodbye, leaving me to pick up the pieces. truthfully, there aren't that many pieces to pick up anyway, and none of this should really matter to me. Yet it does and i am hurt because she made me feel things that i would not have felt, things that i began to feel as a sole result of my relenting to her persistance, and then she goes off with someone else quite suddenly. and i have to contend with these feelings of hurt which i would not have felt in the first place! so i feel cheated. and i feel insulted, because now i see more clearly than ever that she must not have liked me as much she claimed to have initially. otherwise she would not have left in such a hurry. So what she did was she deceived me and took me for a fool. and i am insulted indeed....

but i don't care!

i love only miss loo!
yes meatball woman left me disillusioned, deceived, dejected. but she hurt me in a way a good friend might've hurt me. it is not the kind of pain that is powerful enough to force me to bear a grudge or forever hold feelings of sourness. so don't worry meatball woman! we will jus bankrupt whatever lousy relationship we had prior to this and then embark on a more successful friendship...or, if not possible, then amiable acquaintanceship.

i love miss loo alot.
miss loo occupies my mind. she is the one i see in my dreams. and no our relationship is not superficial! i know everything i need to know about her... its in her eyes. and her manner. and oooh the way she washes the toilet! i just know...all there is to know, without having to say anything.
its not like my erm...relationship with meatball woman you know. for meatball woman, i had to slowly try to give my affections. meatball woman - i had to learn to love her, which i learnt a little before she dumped me.

but miss loo....the moment i saw her, my heart in its entirety was hers.

damn i'm miserable.

hark, what see i?
why indeed it is!
a beautiful butterfly
but wait,
the butterfly is dead
upon the ground its wings lie torn and tattered
my heart, it too lies within me, shattered
and as i mourn the loss...and all the things that could have been
out of nowhere,
a meatball hits me hard on the head. for no apparent reason.
leaving me reeling from a transient pain...
on top of the eternal pain within my heart. and now i feel numbed beond belief.

i did nothing to deserve all this yet i've been delt a double blow.

Heya dear fans,
Sorry I've not blogged for so long.
You see, I just took up a new hobby!
Dancing... Indian dance to be exact.

I saw the sign for Indian dance classes on one of those evenings,
when the sun sets and the streets are suddenly silent,
and I'm thinking of Miss Loo.

Indian dance is great!
I discovered my hidden talent to move my head apart from the rest of my body.
The exercise actually improve my arthritis condition,
now my little finger and big toe doesn't hurt so much anymore.
Or maybe it's because it hasn't been raining.
Or maybe...
the pain in the heart makes everything else insignificant.

Sigh~~
How wonderful it would be if Miss Loo is still around.
We could learn Indian dance together,
those hugging the coconut tree sessions would be so much more meaningful.
But right now,
I have to practise it with aunties three times my age.

To make things worse,
Meatball Woman wails at me through the phone 5 times a day.
It's like...
Breakfast, Lunch, Tea, Dinner, Supper.
Except that it works the other way - it takes away my appetite.
I think I lost 10 kilos from this 10 days of sheer brain torment.

And one thing leads to another,
the loss of 10 kilos didn't seem to be from fats.
I think my body is miswired to burn proteins before fats.
I lost 10 kgs of pure muscle,
even the chauffeuring of slim ang moh chio bus is becoming a taxing job.
At this rate,
when am I going to save up enough money for Meatball Woman's makeover?!
Considering she needs more than 10 times of liposuction and maybe plastic surgery in 200 areas.
And she's still the primary cause of my lost of weight!
This is plain irony.

Here I am,
trapped between 2 women.
One dead, one alive.
One past, one present.
One unforgettable, one hopefully-forgotten.
One pretty little butterfly, one meatball.
One chio as the goddesses in the heavens, the other well... nevermind.

My life.
The life of desirable paperbag nick - a joke.